Too Much Free Time

For the first time in five years, the Ravens aren't going to the playoffs. Frankly, we didn't deserve to win. We played like shit all year on all sides of the ball (except the Justin Tucker side, a.k.a. "the sexiest side of the ball"), and the fact that Andy Dalton threw FOUR PICKS and STILL got his team the division championship is [expletive deleted] ludicrous. But that was 2013; today is the second day of a shiny new year. A year when we'll hopefully fire (out of a cannon) Michael Oher, the most penalized player in the NFL. (Scroll about 2/3 down to find the stats; I can't direct link to it.) A year when we find a way to create an offensive line that keeps our (overpaid?) quarterback from ending up flat on his back like a high school kid on prom night. A year...sorry, I zoned out there, thinking about how happy I was a year ago. How full of hope and excitement that maybe - just maybe - this would be our year. *sigh* Those days seem like a lifetime ago.

ANYWAY...

I've found myself with an abundance of time this January during Sunday afternoons and evenings. I plan on visiting some places in Colorado I've never been to, maybe catch up on my reading, walk my dog a little bit more. I don't really have any team that I want to go all the way more than others. I'm basically rooting for everyone who plays the Broncos and the Patriots. One and done, baby. That's all I want. Shawn told me that someone had asked him if he'd finally root for the Broncos this year. His reply: "I'd rather root for ball cancer."

Me: "If I had a dollar for every time someone in the Ravens bar screamed, 'Hurry the fuck up, Joe!' at the TV, I could buy a pile of coke the size of this building."

Shawn: "You know who DOES have a dollar for every time someone's yelled that? Joe Flacco."

*rimshot* Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. Goodnight.

Playoff Hopes and Dreams

The time for participation in my work's playoff pool has arrived, but so far only three people (myself obviously included) have signed up. Shawn said that if we don't get more people by tomorrow, he will have to cancel the pool. I asked him to forward this to the other invitees, as he had bcc'd everyone, so I couldn't email them directly.


Dear fellow playoff pool members,

I understand that last year was a difficult one for all of you. I rode the dark horse all the way to the Super Bowl and playoff pool victory and didn’t even have the courtesy of buying you all drinks. (My credit card balance, however, felt that I had made the right choice.) This year, however, my beloved Ravens aren’t in the playoffs, so it seems that you will all have a good shot at winning. Remember, my first year here saw me getting a pathetically low amount of points, as I had no team to believe in. I find myself in a similar position this year. My only dreams remaining are that the Broncos and the Patriots will be sitting at home on Super Bowl Sunday, watching the same commercials I am and wondering when their lives went so terribly, terribly wrong.

So I implore all of you to join in the fun again this year so we can keep the tradition of mocking Shawn’s single-digit final score alive. Without a high number of participants, Shawn will cancel the playoff pool, and I’ll find myself devoid of any interest in football on Sundays for the remainder of the month. Please, give me something to live for; my Ravens certainly didn’t this season.

Sincerely,
Nikki Cimino
Reigning Playoff Pool Champion

Nikki Post: LOL

I was cleaning up my "Ray vs. Troy" folder on my computer when I found this picture. I don't think I posted it back when we were doing the play-off/Super Bowl pool, which is a pity because it's AWESOME. I won the office pool by a ludicrous margin because I was the ONLY person who picked the Ravens through everything! I even managed to get some of the spreads correct! Oh, sweet succulent victory. I shit-talked to everyone in our group, ESPECIALLY the IT Director, who was in second place but had won the year before.

Here we see Shawn giving me my winnings. I WAS going to have a picture of me "making it rain," but ultimately I wanted to get a picture of Shawn being sad giving me all that sweet, sweet, sweet cash. What did I do with the money? I'll be damned if I remember. Probably bought several rounds of drinks for friends or took mi novio out to dinner.

Jesus...what other Super Bowl photos did I not publish? Well...here are a few. What the hell.

Doing a (disgusting-tasting) purple vodka shot with my bartender Amy

KIND of a big deal at the game

Troy is such a sweet man! Always supportive

Everyone Wants to be Ray-Ray

The ending of this video from Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update" made me tear up with laughter at work. I always used to joke that when Ray-Ray was ready to retire from playing football, he'd sack a quarterback so hard that he'd turn into dust and float away in the breeze to end the game in a victory. This is pretty good too.



Thanks to my friend Kelsey for sharing this lovely little gem with me:


From this article in The Baltimore Sun

My Mom is Adorable

You all may recall that my mom is a big Ravens fan. She works for a health care billing company, and to boost company morale, they always have special events like picnics, costume contests for Halloween, and Purple Fridays and Mondays during football season.

For the days leading up to the Ravens-Patriots game, her office decorated their cubicle areas by department and had a "contest" of sorts as to who had the best decorations. Here is the winning department, and some pictures of my mom and her friends.

How awesome is this?! Not pictured: a chunk of turf, like Ray picks up during his entrance out of the tunnel

"Me and my Twin" (Mom and her work friend Terri)

Mom, I don't think you're fully prepared to block for Joe Flacco in that position!

View from my mom's cubicle

Choppers Sports Grill Representin'

Amy is our usual bartender at Choppers. She's loved us, and we've loved her since week one. Today she's reppin' the Ravens, like any good friend would.

 

 There are many reasons why we love Amy. ;)

 Chris, seen here attempting to photobomb my picture inappropriately, is my "bar boyfriend"

Tailgating Our Way to Victory!

The Ravens fans from all over the world (thanks, Gordon, for letting me be able to say this!) gathered at 10:00am MST on the day of the big game to tailgate in the parking lot of a Baptist church a couple of blocks away from Sports Authority Field at Mile High. (Because blasphemy is the best.) As you already know, the day was gray and cold as a witch's tit (to use an underutilized idiom). That didn't stop us from playing cornhole, blasting some phat beats (including some Baltimore club music), chugging beer and booze, and huddling around the few heaters in the lot for warmth.

Good turn-out! There were even more people than pictured here.

Oh, thermal jackets. How I wish I owned one of you.

Cornhole!

Victory!!

Our "invisible" DJ? ;)

S-s-s-so c-c-c-cold-d-d...

Meatballs, crab cakes, and other hot foods provided by Captn Crabby

The next group of pictures are of some of our fans, getting drunk* and pumped for the game.

*The pregnant lady in this photo is obviously ONLY getting pumped, NOT drunk.

Pictured: Steve (back left), Sarah (front left), and Amy (right)

We're #1!!

One of these things is not like the others...hint: it's the dude in the Ngata jersey instead of the Ray jersey. ;)

My bro James is in the back in the O's hat! <3

Maggie with a COMPLETELY LEGAL beverage in a stylish brown paper bag.

We're a welcoming, open-minded group (except to Steelers fans), so we allowed these Broncos fans to hang out with us.

Reppin' the purple in a sea of orange

The only team that mattered to us that day. <3

An Important Message from the Baltimore City Police Department

My friend Kelsey lives and works in some sketch parts of Baltimore, so she receives email alerts from the po-po whenever something goes down in her selected hoods. This video arrived through that official email service the other day, and I've been saving it for today.

Shawn told me I'm (once again) the only one who put any faith in the Ravens to win this game. Fingers crossed my faith is rewarded.

Defeating Mr. Bundchen

Me: "How do you spell Gisele's last name?
Steve: "I don't know because I don't care."

After last year's GLORIOUS Super Bowl loss, Tom Brady's wife Gisele gave some hecklers a piece of her mind about Hubby's team mates' skills...or rather, lack thereof. Brady quickly lost ANY cred he may have once possessed, as he now looked like a whiny Pee-Wee footballer whose helicopter mommy swooped in to yell at the coach and the other kids' parents.

Sorry this post is out of order chronologically. (It should have been posted on Monday after the Ravens' win in Denver.) I found it on my phone while posting something else online, and after checking my post list for the blog, realized it'd been omitted.

EDIT: The geniuses at the Ravens sub-Reddit came up with this great drinking game for today!! Follow the rules all the way to the emergency room.

Best Friends and Betting

As always, the Ravens are underdogs in their latest game. They're returning once more to Foxboro for another shot at becoming the AFC champions.

While Troy admits that he supports Mr. Lewis as a friend and competitor, he's making a "smart bet" by putting his money on the Patriots. Here's hoping Troy loses his money on Sunday.

Pre-PRE-Game Party - Ravens Fans Edition

Last weekend Ravens fans from all over - Colorado, Utah, Los Angeles, Las Vegas, Maryland, Delaware, Pennsylvania, and Scotland! - met at Stoney's Full Steam Tavern in downtown Denver to party hard. In addition to our usual Denver crew, we had a large contingent of fans fly in from Baltimore through the social group BMORE Around Town. Some of the fans even made it onto ABC 2 News in Baltimore. (My scene was, unfortunately, cut, which is balls, considering putting a girl in a pandahat on television would be AWESOME.) Behold the craziness of some of the best fans on earth.

The front bar, which ended up being PACKED by the end of the night

Small part of the back bar. It was also packed, but mostly with fans from out of town

Gordon, our Scottish superfan, was one of the people who made the news broadcast (obviously!)

 

Speaking of news broadcasts, this is the videographer who filmed an interview I did with ABC 2 News (the video of which I can't find, much to my frustration) about my role in convincing the Baltimore Orioles to make an anti-bullying video for the "It Gets Better" campaign. We thought we recognized each other, but the story was filmed a couple of years ago, and pandahat can be an excellent disguise.

Time to party!!

Steve, my adorable novio (in theory, that shirt is purple; it doesn't show well in the picture)

I have no idea WTF is going on in this picture.

Dave and Caroline, two of our Denver regulars

Rockin' the Joe Flacco jersey from his time at the University of Delaware (Go Blue Hens!)

Hannah is Dave's girlfriend; they actually met through the Ravens group! Here were are showing off our matching Ravens scarves.

Charlie is our youngest member and one of the greatest cornhole players our Denver group has.

For organizing all of our Ravens activities through the seasons, including the AWESOME "home game" weekend, the group present Nicci, a.k.a. "Mama Bird", with a Certificate of Appreciation.

Bill is second-in-command of the Denver group and also received a Certificate of Appreciation.

Here I am congratulating Bill with an awesome selfie.

I was given an award too - a Team Spirit Award for "Most Intense" (although I maintain that I should have been "Loudest" and our friend James "Most Intense")

When they asked me what superlative Steve should get on his Team Spirit Award, I suggested (and it was agreed) that he get "Most Patience."

We had to use Maggie's long(er than mine) arms to take this sweet selfie of us. She and I ALWAYS sit next to each other at the bar during games. We're intense like that.

INFILTRATED BY THE ENEMY!!

WE'RE COMING FOR YOU, NEW ENGLAND!!