The Apocalypse is Coming

Brainstorm: Top 10 Signs the Apocalypse is Coming - NFL Version

1. The Chiefs are undefeated.
2. The Steelers are 0-4 for the first time in 45 years.
3. The Browns have won 2 games in a row, are at the "top" of the AFC North. (2nd behind Ravens)
4. Tom Brady is struggling to beat teams by 20 points.
5. Rex Ryan is relatively "thin."
6. Roddy White is stinking it up.
7. Eagles fans cheered for Donovan McNabb and Andy Reid.
8. Despite his best efforts, Shawn still hasn't won a fantasy football game.
9. Meanwhile, Marshall is winning the league.
10. Nikki would rather be outside than watch football.

*Tim Tebow is no longer in the NFL this year...COINCIDENCE?

"I Don't Think that Word Means What He Thinks It Means."

My lovely fiance Steve passed along this little gem of an article with the caption I used in this entry's title.

Apparently Mark Sanchez is "thrilled" to have competition for his job. He'll be "fighting" against the other 40,000 quarterbacks the Jets picked up/drafted because OH GOD NOT MARK SANCHEZ AGAIN they seem to be saying.

As always the commenters and trolls on Pro-Football Talk have come out of the woodwork to ban "Hotdog." Here are some of my favorite posts:

The Openly-Gay NBA Player & the Incomprehension of Mike Wallace

In a ground-breaking announcement today, NBA free agent Jason Collins has become the first non-retired professional athlete (baseball, football, basketball, hockey, soccer) to come out as a gay  man. As you can imagine, the internet exploded...until Tim Tebow got shit-canned, and then everyone moved on. Sorta.

I'm an active ally in the LGBT movement, so I'm incredibly proud of Mr. Collins for taking the brave step of coming out and being true to himself. As he says in his Sports Illustrated article, "I didn't set out to be the first openly gay athlete playing in a major American team sport. But since I am, I'm happy to start the conversation. I wish I wasn't the kid in the classroom raising his hand and saying, "I'm different." If I had my way, someone else would have already done this. Nobody has, which is why I'm raising my hand."

Mike Wallace, formerly of the Steelers and currently of the Dolphins, was apparently the first person to "say something dumb" about Collins' revelation:

(Source)

Honestly, as far as athletes' reactions to LGBT news, this is really, really mild. Wallace isn't hating on Collins specifically, or even gay men in general; he just said that the idea of someone being with a person of the same sex was a foreign concept to him. Now, I'm not trying to excuse Wallace's comments entirely; they WERE dumb and fairly insensitive to the gay community. But really? Admitting ignorance on a subject rather than just Twitter-blasting hate speech isn't, in my opinion, something to get that worked up over. Chances are good my comrades in the LGBT community disagree, but that's the lovely thing about being a human; we can all be a part of a supportive, collective movement and still disagree with one another.

Give Mike Wallace a break. I'm sure he got mad schooled by hundreds of people (on Twitter and on blogs) for every several dozen of fans supporting his statements. He took the tweets down and immediately apologized. Hopefully in the future he'll think twice before tweeting and maybe do some research as to why "guys wanna mess with other guys" to purge the ignorance from his mind.

Whomp Goes the Tebow

So in news that shocked NO ONE, Tim Tebow has been released by the New York Jets. Of course, ESPN, your leader in All-Things-Tebow-News, has been having rage-induced orgasms over the story all day, despite the fact that there are several other important things going on in the world of sports. (More on that in another blog entry to be posted later today.)

When the Jets first purchased (for lack of a better word) the divisive player, many of the saner NFL fans asked, "Why?" The Jets kept talking about how Mark Sanchez had their undying loyalty, yet they brought on a quarterback who, even though he wasn't really that great at all, had spent his rookie year going to a playoff game and turning around a floundering team that didn't think they'd see the light of day, much less a post-season. I figured it was just another way for Coach Fatty to keep the spotlight on him and keep the Jets relevant. Tim obviously wanted to go to Florida to play for the Jacksonville Jaguars so he could be closer to his family and probably so he wouldn't have to deal with the batshittery that the team in New Jersey would bring to his life. But no. No one likes Tim Tebow, so off to New York he went.

So far, it doesn't seem that any teams have expressed interest in him. I wonder if he'll continue in the NFL as an overpaid back-up, or if he'll "retire" and move on to do motivation speaking gigs about The Lord across the country?

THIS IS BIRDTOWN!

*sent to me by my friend Kelsey, which she found on the Ravens sub-Reddit

I don’t think anyone outside of Baltimore can fully appreciate how JACKED UP O’s fans in Baltimore are that our team is FINALLY relevant! (Not even Red Sox fans.) They unveiled a Cal Ripken statue at the Park last night, and the crowd was SOLD OUT for the first time in years. Several of my friends and my mom were at/watching that game, and they all agreed that it was a magical moment coming from behind to whoop the Yankees 10-6.

I’m not going to pretend I’m an O’s fan. My family were all big fans, but I’ve never really been into baseball. I like going to games to yell and have a good time and appreciate the atmosphere of a city coming together to watch a team everyone seems to like by default. (It's like Catholicism in that way (no offense meant, honestly), in that they get you when you're a baby, and you grow up knowing only that way of life.) However, I'm VERY excited lately for the fans (especially my fiancee Steve) who are getting the chance to be justified in their love of the O's. For some, this is the first time in their lives that the Orioles are a winning team. For many, this has been a wait a long time coming.

And the players themselves! It's endearingly adorable how excited they are after every win. High fives and cheers...practical jokes...bro hugs in the locker room...the Orioles players are like Little Leaguers who won the championship. For me, that's the best part in all of this - that after so many discouraging seasons, our players who've given their all finally have a chance to feel good about themselves and be seen as heroes in town. Who knows? Maybe ESPN will take a break from reporting every little thing Tim Tebow does and actually show more than a minute of highlights about our games?! ;)

I don't know if the O's will go to the play-offs. I don't know if they'll win, should they get that opportunity. But for the first time in almost 20 years, there will be more than one sport that Baltimore Orioles fans will be paying attention to in September.

CLARIFICATION:

My friend Audra, who is regrettably a Yankees AND a Steelers fan (and yet we love each other; go figure), had this conversation with me over Gchat about the actual scores of last night's game, as I was too busy watching The Soup and then President Obama's speech to watch the game. [Edited only for grammar.]

Audra:  Just fyi, the Orioles didn't come from behind to win last night, and your blog post is very well written - even if it is from a Baltimore fan's perspective ;)

Nikki:  ;) From what I was told, we were up 6-0 or something, then tied at 6-6, then came back to win 10-6. Then again, my info is from Steve, so :P

Audra:  that's not coming from behind

Nikki:  hahaha I think it is. Semantics

Audra:  They were ahead 4-0, then it was 4-1, then it was 6-1, then we tied in top of the 8th 6-6. Then you made it 10-6 in the bottom of the 8th, and we couldn't do anything in the 9th. You just won. :P

Nikki:  Well, let's face it, last year's O's would've blown the lead and never come back.

Audra:  I had to restrain myself from throwing the remote through the tv, or my laptop across the room.

Morale Boosting in the Dean's Suite

Tracy is our HR liaison in the dean's office. To maintain a semblance of privacy, facilities put up this cubicle wall by her desk and gave her a white board so she could write notes or leave messages about her comings and goings. My boss Lyndsey thought that using the white board for drawing little pictures was a better use of its services. Soon the drawings grew too elaborate for one small board. (We had a very creative mountain scene with skiers being rescued from avalanches and a Sasquatch; the drawing prior to this one was of mythical creatures ranging from a chupacabra throwing a person off a cliff to a mermaid to the Loch Ness monster to the aforementioned Bigfoot.) Citing "team morale" as a financial justification for my $6 purchase using company funds, I purchased Tracy's cubicle wall a larger white board. The first drawing was of Hogwarts, as Lyndsey is a big Harry Potter fan, but this two-board drawing of football players soon replaced it.

Originally, the drawing was of Peyton Manning (#18) passing to an unnamed offensive player while a red player wearing the #7 (John Elway) got ready to tackle his opponent. However, I pointed out that the number 7 is NOT an acceptable jersey number for a defensive player. Only quarterbacks, kickers, and punters are eligible to wear such a low number. This caused a lively debate between me and the HR Director, Kevin, who seemed to enjoy how riled up the issue made me. When I came in this morning, ALL of the players were wearing Elway's #7...so I changed all the numbers to those my favorite Ravens players wear. You'll see Joe Flacco (#5) passing to Anquan Boldin (#81) while defensive players Ray Lewis (#52), Terrell Suggs (#55, miraculously healed from his Achilles heel surgery), and Ed Reed (#20) prepare to tackle the veteran wide receiver. Needless to say, Kevin had a good laugh and then changed all the numbers back again.

I even snuck in a little Tebow burn while I was at it.

The Great Healers

Because the picture quality is less than ideal (I was hurrying to take the picture before leaving, and it was taken on my camera-phone, as always), here is the dialogue transcript:

Ray: "HEY TROY! I SURE AM SORRY THAT I TORE BEN'S ROTATOR CUFF!"
Troy: "That's ok, Mr. Lewis. Tim Tebow & I laid hands on him, and now he's all better."
Ray: "COULD YOU FIX SIZZLE PLEASE?!"
Troy: "I'm afraid I can't do that, sir. My team wants to win this year."
Ray: "...Dang."

I think Ray is just *assuming* that he was the cause of Big Ben's injury, so I'd take his apology with a grain of salt.

Shawn approached me this morning and sternly told me that I should be "ashamed" for going against Troy's character. "He would NEVER lay hands on someone, and he would NEVER refuse to help someone just to win a football game!" While Shawn is absolutely correct, I just really liked the image I got in my head of Big Ben touching Troy's hair and being miraculously cured while Tim Tebow, standing in a halo of light, being sung to by angels, prayed for Ben's quick recovery. Out of respect to my colleague, however, I will do better in the future about maintaining continuity of the characters in our blog.

Fan Loyalty

To back up Ray's statistics: http://www.csnwashington.com/07/01/12/At-Ravens-stadium-fill-er-up/landing.html?blockID=733914&feedID=6703