Horses Vs Birds

I confess: I'm not entirely certain who I want to win the Super Bowl. On the one hand, I don't care because the Ravens aren't playing, and I'm not particularly emotionally invested in either team. On the other hand, I usually root for the underdog in Super Bowls not featuring my team, and that would be the Seahawks this year. On the first foot/third hand, the Broncos are my city's team, and I do love me some Peyton Manning. I have several Broncos fans who would be overjoyed at their team winning the Super Bowl for the first time since 1998; I like those people, and I want them to be as happy as I was last year. (I will NEVER be that happy ever again.)

I'm pathetically, hopelessly dead last in the work playoff pool this year after having won it all taking my team in every game for big points. One of the women in the pool didn't even play last week, and I'm STILL behind her!! I plan on letting my dog make my picks for this one. I'll be filming it and will obviously post it here for all to see.

So I guess I'll just cheer for both teams but say that the Broncos will win the Super Bowl this year.

Sthufferin' Sthafford!

The Ravens NEEDED to win their game against the Lions in order to have a shot at the AFC Wildcard spot. Hell, they have to win ALL their games from now on to have any realistic playoff dreams whatsoever. Of the 9 Monday Night Football analysts, only 4 chose the Ravens to win, including Fearless Leader Ray Lewis. (Top contender for "World's Worst QB with a Super Bowl Ring" Trent Dilfer did NOT chose the Ravens, which meant the Ravens fans at the bar loudly booed him.)

Things were NOT looking good for the Players in Purple when it became obvious that the offense couldn't get into the end zone; it was as if they were allergic to touchdowns & success. Luckily, the Ravens have something the Lions don't have - Justin Motha Fuckin' Tucker, the greatest kicker in the NFL. JTuck was the only one putting points on our half of the scoreboard all night. Our defense had 2 key interceptions (including one that sealed the victory), but Joe and the boys couldn't close the deal. Ravens fans continued drinking heavily. At the end of the game, the Lions were up by 2. The Ravens charged down field but once again failed to deliver as Joe threw 3 incomplete passes. Rather than give his exceptionally high-paid franchise QB another shot, John Harbaugh put the Three-man Wolfpack on the field. The game was in Justin Tucker's legs.

My fan friends at the bar closed in on me, furiously rubbing the pandahat on my head for good luck, all of us looking through our fingers. I had no doubt of JTuck's abilities; I somehow knew the kick would be good, even as I feared its potential failure.

Morgan Cox with the snap. Sam Koch gets the ball laces out. Justin Tucker kicks. The pigskin goes sailing towards the Lions' uprights, dangerously leaning far right. Closer...closer...closer...OH GOD! Like a sweet, body-shuddering orgasm, the ball JUST cleared the right goal post! The kick is good! The Ravens win the game!! THE RAVENS WIN THE GAME!!

The Lions were not as happy as I was.

Justin Tucker is the 1st kicker in NFL history to make a FG from distances in the 20's, 30's, 40's, 50's & 60's. pic.twitter.com/bxcbPo5BDb

— FOX Sports Live (@FOXSportsLive) December 17, 2013

 **Addendum to this tweet: He's the first to "kick for the cycle" in a single game!**

Uh oh looks like someone updated Wikipedia pic.twitter.com/jpN1M3LweQ
— Tim Gilman (@TIMinBALTIMORE) December 17, 2013

They changed it back, unfortunately.

RT @SportsCenter: Crazy Stat of the Day: Justin Tucker kicked 248 yds worth of field goals, 13 more than Matthew Stafford's 235 yds passing
— Baltimore Ravens (@Ravens) December 17, 2013

Justin was understandably cocky about the whole experience: http://www.baltimoreravens.com/news/article-1/Justin-Tucker-Happy-For-Fantasy-Owners/

To end this blog, I'll leave you with some fantastic conversation blurbs I had with my friends. Enjoy!

Me: "I'm thinking that we need to take money from Flacco and give it to Justin Tucker."

Zack: "Hahaha! The evidence supporting that is insurmountable."

Me: "Steve had to explain to me how 'contracts' and 'paying kickers' works."

Me: "Twitter is calling him 'Legatron'."

Tia:  "Best name ever. Beats Megatron, who dropped three passes yesterday and did shit for the Lions."

Me: "I know! Everyone at the bar kept yelling, 'OLLLLLDDDD MAAAANNN'."

Tia:  "Give him a break. He might have forgotten to take his Metamucil or Centrum Silver. Jimmy Mutha fuckin' Smith, blockin' Calvin Johnson like Kanye blocked Taylor Swift at the VMAs!"

The Internet Never Forgets

There are always three games on Thanksgiving Day: one with the Lions, one with the Cowboys, and then a night game that actually matters and entertains the nation. For two years in a row, the Baltimore Ravens have had the honor of being in the Game That Matters. In 2012, the nation got to watch a preview of Super Bowl 47 (to hell with Roman numerals) as big brother John Harbaugh's Ravens stomped baby brother Jim's 49ers two months before The Big Game. In 2013, the Ravens embarrassed the Steelers (not really, as there were a LOT of fundamentals that the Ravens needed to work on NOT screwing up, but let me have this one) in Baltimore to a crowd that righteously chanted "TOMLIN SUCKS" when Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin interfered with Jacoby Jones' amazing kick-off return run that SHOULD/WOULD have ended in a touchdown.

Even though he was fined by the league and put the Steelers' draft picks in jeopardy, Mike Tomlin wasn't done being reviled for his "blunder," as he repeatedly put it.

The Ravens were playing the Vikings in a snowy, rainy, slushy, cold, miserable Baltimore. The day was made MORE miserable by the fact that the Ravens were playing like snowmen with sticks for arms instead of actual human arms. But what to our wondering eyes should appear, but JACOBY JONES RUNNING IN ANOTHER KICK-OFF RETURN FOR A TOUCHDOWN!!

(Source)

It was one of those games that makes football fans keep a defibrillator handy: in the final minutes of the game, the Vikings and Ravens traded FOUR TOUCHDOWNS IN 82 SECONDS. I was listening on my Ravens app, having chosen to stay home from the bar, and I can't decide if it was better or worse that I didn't have to see everything happen in front of me. I got to see the last touchdown of the day and frightened my dog by screaming with joy in the empty apartment.

If you thought Twitter wouldn't explode in snarky tweets about Jones finally getting to make the play he SHOULD have been able to make on Thanksgiving, then you don't know the internet very well at all. Here's a sampling:

No coach to block Jacoby Jones this time...
— Adam Schefter (@AdamSchefter) December 8, 2013

Professional burnnnn

Jacoby Jones couldn't do that if I was there
— Evil Mike Tomlin (@EvilMikeTomlin) December 8, 2013

Popular parody account burnnnn

Glad Leslie Frazier didn't pull a Tomlin.
— Joe Flacco's Ego (@FlaccosEgo) December 8, 2013

Fake Flacco burnnnn

Jacoby Jones has returned 6 kickoffs for 256 yards & 1TD over the past two games, producing a 42.7-yard average. #Ravens
— Patrick Gleason (@PMGleason) December 8, 2013

How you like dem facts dair, hawn?

@Artj97 your reaction to @TheRealJacoby12 kick return is priceless. http://t.co/QnXBjIDrF5
— Cody (@Ledshaman) December 8, 2013

Arthur Jones' reaction speaks volumes for us all

Jacoby Jones on the crazy final two minutes of the game: "You couldn't even really get emotional. It was too confusing." #Ravens #Vikings
— Luke Jones (@BaltimoreLuke) December 8, 2013

The man of the hour speaks

The Apocalypse is Coming

Brainstorm: Top 10 Signs the Apocalypse is Coming - NFL Version

1. The Chiefs are undefeated.
2. The Steelers are 0-4 for the first time in 45 years.
3. The Browns have won 2 games in a row, are at the "top" of the AFC North. (2nd behind Ravens)
4. Tom Brady is struggling to beat teams by 20 points.
5. Rex Ryan is relatively "thin."
6. Roddy White is stinking it up.
7. Eagles fans cheered for Donovan McNabb and Andy Reid.
8. Despite his best efforts, Shawn still hasn't won a fantasy football game.
9. Meanwhile, Marshall is winning the league.
10. Nikki would rather be outside than watch football.

*Tim Tebow is no longer in the NFL this year...COINCIDENCE?

I'm Such A Forgetful Frannie

I've had these two links in my "drafts" folder for AGES but kept forgetting to post them here. I know it's incredibly late, but here's how my Ravens group got famous during the Super Bowl.

First we were on 9 News: http://www.9news.com/video/2140542795001/1/Watching-Super-Bowl-at-Denver-bar

Then we made it into Westword, Denver's alternative weekly: http://www.westword.com/slideshow/super-bowl-2013-ravens-fans-vs-49ers-fans-38739647/#37

If you look closely in those pictures, you can see me...in WAY too many pictures. Oy. 

The Most Important Purple Friday of Them All

This is it. The final Purple Friday of the season. Two more sleeps (as T-Sizzle says) until the big game. Two more sleeps until the Ravens fans take over Choppers Sports Bar in Denver and make the walls shake with our cheers. And how are we celebrating? With the best damn Purple Friday around!

First up, my parents:

Here's Mom, rocking her traditional Purple Friday/Game Day outfit.

She's even got her nails all Raven'd up

My daddy just had a full hip replacement and was in the hospital today. Doesn't mean that Mom and I would let him get away with not rockin' the purple! <3

My first office job in Baltimore was at a spring factory in the county. Here are my former coworkers, rockin' the purple! (Front row: Darrell and Steve; from L to R: Tracey, Kelle, Wendy, Kim, Linda, Maria, Mary Ann, and Bonnie)

My co-hostess with the co-mostess for Sunday, Caroline, caw-cawing it up at her office in Denver

College friend Andrew has gone crazy and dyed his hair purple. (The "fu manchu" is left over from last year's playoffs.) He's in enemy territory - SAN FRANCISCO - so he obviously needs to show his pride!

Gordon in Scotland is ready for the big game on Sunday! CAW CAW

I went to get a burrito today from Big City Burrito on campus, and the cashier was a Ravens fan! Stoked I'm not the only one at Anschutz to rock the Ravens!

I posted this at the beginning of the play-offs, before we stomped all over the two best quarterbacks in the league. Looks like MY hope for 2013 came true! (Other hopes: sleep, a clue, money, an early spring, more jigsaw puzzles for the office.)

Should anyone else reading this want to get in on the Purple Friday love, just email me your picture, and I'll add it here. :D

*yawn* Pro Bowl Weekend

Why does the Pro Bowl even exist? It's an all expenses paid vacation to Hawaii for millionaire football players. The fans vote for the players they think are the best, but many times, the first-stringers don't even go. (Even when he's NOT in a Super Bowl, Tom Brady opts not to play well with others.) Some don't go because of injuries; others decline the trip because they're preparing for the big game next Sunday. Those who DO go.take it easy on each other, practically playing flag football. Playing real defense is an unwritten no-no in the Pro Bowl. It's a good time for players across the league to relax, play some golf, and have fun with their friends on other teams, but that's not at all entertaining for the fans. Why not just give guys that week off? Let them do what they want to do where they want to do it? Because Goodell is all about making money, and somehow, I guess the Pro Bowl makes money.

GO RAVENS! PURPLE POWER!

These are the seats where my mom & I are sitting for the game. It's cold. It's loud. AND IT'S AWESOME!

Rookie of the Year

So.....we're gonna lose today. We have NO defense. RG3 is a beast. It's FREEZING in the bar. (Thank God for pandahat!) My only hope is that the Steelers choke so I'm not the ONLY miserable one tomorrow.

 

UPDATE 12/10/12: I hate being right. :(

Faster Than A Locomotive!

Everybody loves Robert Griffin, III. He's cute, he likes Subway sandwiches, he's got great hair, and he's a threat (for a rookie, mind you) both throwing and running. He's the kind of quarterback Redskins fans have been waiting DECADES for.

There's supposedly a rivalry between Baltimore and Washington because of our proximity to one another. Anytime our baseball or football teams play each other, all you hear about is the great "Battle of the Beltway." Really though, I don't think most Ravens fans consider the Skins true competition. Hell, the Orioles and Nationals were only rivals to see who in the area could have the worse record until last year when both teams became inexplicably good. But everyone loves a rivalry, one-sided or not, so we'll let Skins fans have this one.

Ravens fans are naturally freaked out this game. We want to lock up the AFC North, and we DEFINITELY don't want to lose to a rookie. Despite his optimism in our last entry, Ray isn't going to be back on the field for this game, and Sizzle is out as well, possibly for the rest of the season, depending upon whether or not he needs surgery. Our defense is down to a few banged-up vets and third-stringers getting their big breaks.

We'll have to see how THE BATTLE OF THE BELTWAY plays out on Sunday

Bizarro World

Now that Ray Lewis is out for the rest of the 2012 season (but not retiring...yet), he obviously has a lot of time to think and watch other teams play football. And he's noticed a disturbing trend. The AFC North is in shambles, with the Bengals and the Steelers tied for second, two games behind the Ravens. (The Browns, as always, are at the bottom of the deck with just one win (against Cincinnati) so far this season. At least SOMETHING is constant in our lives.) Perhaps most shocking of all, however, is that the NFC division - usually a group of one or two good teams per division (except the NFC West, which is just terrible) - has more teams with winning records so far this year than the AFC does. (Only the Ravens and the Texans have winning records...and they play each other this upcoming Sunday.)

As Chase Stuart notes in his blog entry for The New York Times, the NFL is supposed to be a "parity-filled league in which any team could win on a given Sunday." As long as I've paid attention to football, however, it hasn't been that way. Everyone knows the Browns and the Bears stink. The NFC West is a joke. (Heck, the Seahawks went to the play-offs in 2011 with a LOSING RECORD!) And most football fans can name multiple quarterbacks and players who find any way to defeat themselves and give the game to the other team. (*cough*TonyRomo*cough*)

No wonder Ray is so worried! Everything he knows about football is being turned on its head, including the size of his former defensive coordinator Coach Rex "Fatty" Ryan! (See below for shocking weight loss photos. Seriously, I had totally forgotten how morbidly obese he used to be. Oy.)

Source: KingLaLa.com

Hopefully everything will right itself soon. The Steelers will return to dominance and fight with the Ravens for the title of AFC North Champion, leaving the Bengals and the Browns deeply in the dust. The Ravens' defense will get back to its previous strength while the offense continues to improve and stay on top of its game. Other leaders in the AFC will remember that they're being paid millions of dollars to win instead of bringing shame upon their home cities. And hopefully the only thing that DOESN'T change is the Patriots losing. Because to hell with Tom Brady.