A Vocabulary Lesson with Mr. Lewis - Part One

*Note: The black blob in the upper left corner is my email address. I blocked it out for obvious reasons.

If you're a fan of professional football, you probably know that many former super stars are now considered the butts of many jokes. Their names have now become synonymous with failure. The players listed here are only a few examples. Please feel free to comment below if you have different definitions than I do.

Eli Manning has been a big bundle of failure this season. The Giants are winless, and Eli has thrown so many interceptions that he's been MVP for every team he's played against. If you want to save yourself characters on Twitter or just time speaking, use "Eli" in place of "interception."
Example: "Ugh! I can't believe that Joe Flacco just thew an Eli! So frustrating!"

Peyton Manning on Eli Manning's 15 INTs this year: "Don't blame me, he was adopted. And dropped on his head. And dropped on his head again."
— NOTSportsCenter (@NOTSportsCenter) October 11, 2013

Tony Romo has great stats when you JUST look at his stats. When you look at how he is as a "leader" for his team, however, you realize that he's a joke. His inability to close games and carry his team to the playoffs has been a thorn in the side of Cowboys fans across the nation. But until Jerry Jones dies/is violently overthrown in a coupe, Tony is the team's quarterback.

Tony Romo threw for 500 yards and 5 TD's, but threw a late game INT that cost his team the game. Doesn't get more Romo than that.
— NOTSportsCenter (@NOTSportsCenter) October 6, 2013

It's my understanding that unlike Tony Romo, Matt Schaub used to be a decent quarterback. I mean, yeah the Texans haven't won a Super Bowl recently, but...you know...when you compare him (or anyone else, really) to Tony Romo, he's pretty elite. This year, that all changed. Matt's been throwing turnovers/pick-sixes like it's going out of style (which it really should), much to the rage of Texans fans. Click on this perfectly "Schaub" picture below to read a satirical take on Matt Schaub's suckiness.
Example: "Tony Romo TOTALLY pulled a Romo when he Schaubed at the end of the game."

Nikki Post: #LOLjets, Pre-season Preview

While Gang Green beat the Giants in OT (BILLY CUNDIFF, of all people, made the game-winning FG), Head Coach Rex "Coach Fatty" Ryan chose to put presumed-starter Mark "Uh Oh Hotdog" Sanchez in as QB in the fourth quarter...behind the barely-third-string offensive line players. In a sack that literally made me yell in sympathy pain, Sanchez got SMASHED between two Giants D-men and left the game with what is speculated to be a very severe shoulder injury. The press corps, sportscasters, and fans of all kinds are wondering just WTF Rex was thinking. When the NY media (a blood-thirsty bunch, to be fair) asked him about it in the post-game presser, Rex basically lost his damn mind. Twitter obviously exploded. I made a Storify blog entry by pulling some of my favorite tweets about the Jets game tonight.

The Madness of a Mother-Daughter Duo

As my Christmas present, my mom and dad bought two tickets to see the Ravens take on the Giants at M&T Bank Stadium. Steve was not invited. It was a "girls day" that Mom and I cherished.

We started the day by pregaming at Mother's Purple Patio in Federal Hill, an historic neighborhood a couple of blocks away from the stadium. The place was jam-packed with drunks and Ravens fans of all ages (21+ anyway), and the DJ was playing Baltimore remixes of classic tunes like "Baba O'Reilly" and Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas is You" (the definitive Christmas song, in my opinion). We were able to meet up with Steve, who'd spent the night at a mutual friend's house, and Bill, a guy from our Ravens group who coincidentally was on the same flight back to Baltimore as I was. Fun times.

(L to R) Steve, me, Bill

My adorable mother, cheesin' in front of Ray-Ray's lucky number

I'm told that there's something of a family resemblance between us. Can you see it? ;)

Mom and I went to our AWESOME seats and immediately started hootin' and hollerin'. This was something of a challenge for me, as there was a little kid (8ish) in front of me, but I think I only cursed twice, and only one of those was an F-bomb. REALLY great for a person with a dirty mouth.

In the throes of Purple Passion

The game ended with a spectacular Ravens victory, a Steelers loss, and a Cowboys victory, thus allowing the home team to secure its second AFC North championship title in a row. As you can imagine, there was a great deal of pandemonium.

Not drunk, just elated and VERY, VERY COLD

I had an awesome time with my mom and enjoyed the tingling anticipation of being able to make fun of Shawn when we had both returned from our respective holiday breaks. Ray is already talking smack on Shawn's door, ready for his and Troy's response on Wednesday.

Happy SAFE New Year everyone!!!

Vacation

The blog has been quiet this last week only because I've been back in Baltimore for Christmas and haven't had time to update. My mom and I went to the AWESOME Ravens-Giants game and lost our minds with glee. When I'm back in Denver, I'll update with pictures of our joy and at least one picture of Shawn looking sad. After all, the Steelers were eliminated from the playoffs last week (thanks to the Cowboys, of all teams), so Ben gets to spend the post-season cuddling his wife and son. Happy New Year, Ben. :)

GO RAVENS! PURPLE POWER!

These are the seats where my mom & I are sitting for the game. It's cold. It's loud. AND IT'S AWESOME!