Ray Rice in Trouble

Transcript:
Big Ben: "It's the Rays! So guys, quick question. How long before it's illegal to be named "Ray" and play in Baltimore?"
Ray Lewis: "AAH! DON'T MAKE ME UNRETIRE!"
Ray Rice: "..."

By now, anyone who's a Ravens fan, a football fan, or someone who "enjoys" celebrity "gossip" knows about the incident of Ray Rice getting drunk in Atlantic City, allegedly getting into a physical altercation with his fiance, and knocking her unconscious. TMZ released a video showing Ray dragging his unconscious fiance out of an elevator. Attorneys for both parties claim that the video is edited (which, knowing TMZ and the people who give them their "news", could very well be true), and "only shows part of the story." While there's uncertainty about what sort of punishment Ray could receive from law enforcement, the Ravens, and the league, so far top Ravens personnel are saying that Ray won't be released.

(I'd like to mention that the "yards per carry" joke wasn't written by either Shawn or me. A work friend of Shawn's contributed that. He's not the only one making that joke.)

While Shawn and I are using this incident for blog fodder and are commenting on it with tongues firmly implanted in our cheeks, I'd like to go on record and say that I am INCREDIBLY disappointed in Ray Rice. While fans obviously don't know everything about the characters of their favorite players, Ray had always seemed to be a stand-up guy in the past. He has a close relationship with his mother, and he, his fiance, and their daughter have always been seen as a happy family.

I got into a discussion with my friend China and several of her friends on Facebook about whether or not Ray was "justified" in hitting his fiance after she allegedly spit on him first. They were of the belief that spitting on someone is the most degrading thing you can do to a person. China additionally took the stance of "equal rights, equal fights": women want equality with men in every other aspect of their lives except when it comes to having men fight back when women start physical altercations. If the fiance started something, she should have been prepared to finish it. I pointed out that a small woman like her hitting a big guy like Ray wouldn't (and obviously didn't) do as much damage as Ray hitting her back and that it was an unfair fight. We reached a stalemate, agreeing that the incident wasn't something we wanted one of our favorite athletes to be known for, but that we wouldn't see eye to eye about whether or not Ray was justified in his actions.

It will be interesting to see how the league handles this off-field, especially considering their previous lack of involvement in punishing players for misconduct in the past. For now, I know that Ray and the Ravens are hoping the Combine will take some of the spotlight off of them.

Sweet Pea Ain't So Sweet

Big Ben: "What's that, Ray?"**
Ray Lewis: "Wow, Ben, in my day Sweet Pea wouda got what she deserved! Tips!"
Big Ben: "C'mon, Ray! That's not even right."
Ray Lewis: "What? I mean from the Ravens' upcoming opponents!"
Big Ben: "Badump Bump!"

**I have no idea what order Shawn meant for this dialogue to go, so I just kinda winged it.

By now, I'm sure you've all heard the story of Ravens player (and Dancing with the Stars sensation) Jacoby Jones getting hit in the head with a champagne bottle by a stripper named Sweet Pea on a party bus while celebrating teammate Bryant McKinney's birthday. (This first link is my FAVORITE about the news, mainly because the headline is SO misleading about the content to come.) Jacoby has "apologized" about the incident without really apologizing. Torrey Smith pointed out that this is a non-story (while building a house for Habitat for Humanity! Why isn't THAT being talked about?!), and the media should just move on. And Ray Lewis, never one to shy from offering an opinion that brings the story back around to him, blames a lack of leadership after his retire and Ed Reed's move to the Texans for Jacoby's Wild Night.

For those interested, this is what Baltimore's strippers look like:

(source)

Keep it classy, Bmore & Ravens.

Murder was the Case That They Gave Him: Patriots Edition

Transcript:

Troy: "So Mr. Lewis, any (cough...) advice for Mr. Hernandez?"
Ray:  "TROY! THAT'S A VERY RUDE QUESTION! MY PAST IS IN THE PAST! He should work with the DA, though. Probably turn himself in. Oh, and stop watching Scarface!"

You've probably heard by now that Patriots tight end Aaron Hernandez was arrested. While charges haven't been officially announced yet (they're waiting to arraign him), the case is MAD sketchy. A semi-pro football player was found in an industrial park a half-mile from Hernandez's house, shot execution style (which freaks me out the most). Apparently, Hernandez and the dead man, Odin Lloyd, were friends who had been seen hanging out before the killing. More sketch news: "ABC News has reported that Hernandez destroyed his cellphone and video surveillance system and had his home professionally cleaned the day Lloyd's body was found. And Massachusetts State Police have twice searched Hernandez's home, along with nearby woods and a pond." (from the article linked above; emphasis mine) Dude, that's some CSI stuff right there. Also, obstruction of justice.

This isn't the first time someone's accused Aaron Hernandez of committing an act of violence. A man in Florida accused him of shooting him in the face; the injury resulted in the loss of the man's eye. The man wouldn't cooperate with the cops though (WITNESS INTIMIDATION?!?!), so the case was "deemed inactive."

Now, everyone know that the US guarantees that you're "innocent until proven guilty", but let's get real here: the evidence against the tight end is pretty damning. He could at least be convicted of obstructing justice; that much is obvious. Now, I'm obviously a TOTALLY biased party, but I'd just like to say that the incident with Ray Lewis was much more confusing than this. No one knows who stabbed the victim, and Ray-Ray cooperated with police and plead guilty to move the case along. He paid the fees, did his time, and spent the rest of his life/NFL career staying on the straight and narrow and giving back to the community (including attempting to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro from July 2nd - July 9th (my birthday!)). I know I speak on behalf of all Ravens fans when I say, "Shut your mouths, haters." I'm looking forward to bringing up how the Pats players are criminals (oh! and don't forget Spygate) for years to come.

ProFootballTalk.com is obviously blowing up the article about the arrest. I'll end this entry with my favorite comment:

rodge1 says: Jun 26, 2013 10:31 AM: Somewhere Ballard and Tebow are high-fiving each other.

Murder was the Case That They Gave Him

Quick link about the 5 Common Misconceptions about Ray Lewis' Murder Trial.

I was originally going to write an opus trying to explain what Ray Lewis meant to the city of Baltimore, but I decided against it. People who live outside the city, people who truly believe that Ray is nothing but a murderer who got a get-out-of-jail-free card, and people who think he's "overrated" (which is, in my opinion, ridiculous) would barely skim the entry and say that I'm just another rabid Ravens fan. I've drunk the Kool-Aid too many times. I'm making excuses for a man who played a key part in robbing citizens of their lives. Perhaps that's all true; perhaps I'm just more willing to give someone a second chance who has proved over and over and over again that he understands what he did wrong and has tried to atone for that sin every second of the day, not for publicity reasons, but because he wants to make it right.

When I posted the link on my Facebook page, this is the blurb I included with it:

"I'm SO SICK of people (mostly non-Ravens fans) going on and on about Ray being a "murderer." Our country doesn't believe in rehabilitation obviously, and everyone seems to overlook the ENORMOUS amount of good that Ray has done for his colleagues in the NFL and for the citizens of Baltimore City. He's not doing it as part of a plea deal or a way to get back into everyone's good graces; he's doing it because he grew up, realized the horrible mistakes he made and the horrible consequences of those mistakes, and became a better man because of it."

The Disembodied Shoulder of Rashard Mendenhall

Ray's Retirement Party Week continues with a visit from the Ghost of Injuries Past.

Many Ravens fans remember with glee the HUGE hit Ray Lewis gave Rashard Mendenhall at the then-rookie's first visit to Baltimore. The video below isn't great as far as quality is concerned, but you can still see the hit and get the level of pain Mendenhall had to have been in.

EDIT: Shawn said that I needed to post a transcript for the above photo, as "No one can understand what the hell [he] wrote." Please see below.

Transcript:

Troy: "Really Mr. Lewis, the game will miss you."
Disembodied Shoulder of Rashard Mendenhall: "The game may but I sure won't! Don't let the door hit you!"
Ray: "! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?"
Troy: "Oh! That's Rashard's broken shoulder. It's a little bitter."
Disembodied Shoulder of Rashard Mendenhall: "Yo mamma!"
Ray: "HA!" 

Ka-BOOM!

Only a few days prior, Rashard had been sending some texts to friend Ray Rice, which were promptly posted on the Ravens' bulletin board in the locker room. As former Raven player Bart Scott said at the time, "He said later that he was just joking, but it's too late. Thanks for the bulletin-board material, rookie."

Ray-Ray's hit on Mendenhall was so hard that it broke the kid's shoulder, ending his rookie season only four weeks into the 2008 season. Many people considered the timing of the hit - Mendenhall talking smack, Mendenhall going to the hospital - to be a little TOO coincidental. Thanks to T-Sizzle's big mouth, it was leaked that the Ravens had put a bounty on that particular Steeler (and his teammate Hines Ward). While Ward was flattered, he reminded Sizzle that such things aren't kosher in the NFL. Ray's smack talking to Sports Illustrated not long after the game pretty much confirmed that the hit was fierce on purpose.

Source

Now, I'm not saying that Ray Lewis isn't a "dirty" player. I'm not saying that the Ravens are angels on the field. They can be brutal. After all, try counting the number of times sportscasters use the (stupid) term "smash mouth" to describe the Baltimore team's defensive playing. But the Steelers aren't saints either. Hines Ward was often voted the NFL's Dirtiest Player by his league peers in 2009, and let's face it: James Harrison is the result of a lion, a furious rhino, and a cheetah mating in a horrible threesome. (Troy comes in at #9 on that same poll. Ray Lewis is #11. James somehow managed not to be included in the top 16; perhaps his peers were terrified he'd go after them?)

Without a powerhouse like Lewis on the team, here's hoping that other Ravens (Sizzle? Kruger? Ngata? Reed?) step up to destroy the "enemy" week after week. But not with hits to the head. That shit's not cool.

Ray and Science

Troy is very sweet to congratulate (although not TOO much; he IS a Steeler after all) Ray and the Ravens on their winning record 4 weeks into the season. Of course, a perfectionist like Ray Lewis could never be satisfied with only a 75% success rate! Luckily for him, science exists and with it, time travel. Granted, I don't think Ray fully understands the ethical issues with changing the past, but I also don't think he cares.

(Note: I tried several times over the last few days to post this from my Blogger app, but it didn't work, so now the Ravens' record in the photo is out of date. We're currently 4-1 after BARELY squeaking out a win against the Chiefs.)

No Harm Shall Come to Tom Brady

Transcript:

Troy: "Mr. Lewis, Tom Brady and the Patriots are in town for you on Sunday night. I bet they are upset over their loss last week, and they don't lose back to back games. Any plans to change that?"


Ray: "STATISTICALLY SPEAKING, TROY, YOU'RE RIGHT! WE ALREADY HAVE HOME FIELD ADVANTAGE, THOUGH, AND I'M GONNA KIDNAP ALL THE TIGHT ENDS TO GUARANTEE A RAVENS WIN!"

Troy: "Why not just kidnap Tom Brady?"

Ray: "WHOA, TROY! THAT'S A FEDERAL CRIME! I'D GET THE CHAIR FOR THAT!"

*Shawn wanted me to add a note stating that he doesn't think that Troy would suggest that Ray kidnap anyone, particularly a fellow football player. However, I was running out of room and needed Troy to bring up Brady so I could give Ray's punchline.

For those who may not know much about football, Tom Brady is regarded as something of a god in the NFL. He has his own rule to make sure he doesn't get hurt. (I don't know how often it gets called for other quarterbacks, however.) Of course, to fans, he's considered a pansy. I mean, the man MODELS UGGS, people. Seriously. (Warning: the pansy link takes you to a hilarious Yahoo! answers page. Naughty language and a complete slaughtering of the English language are present.)

This will be a great revenge match for the Ravens, as the Patriots were the reason we didn't get to go to the Super Bowl last year. Between Lee Evans's dropped pass and Billy Cundiff's missed field goal (I'm honestly surprised that he didn't receive death threats), the game was an absolute heart-breaker. The Ravens will also be "upset," as Troy so mildly put it.

Also!! My mom's going to be in town for the game! I'll probably post a picture of us in our "uniforms" on Sunday.

Purple Fridays & Steelers Nation

Today is the first official Purple Friday of the year. For those who don't know, Purple Friday is when all Ravens fans dress in work-appropriate purple or in their Ravens jerseys/gear to get pumped up for Sunday's (or in this case, Monday's) game. Victories over the weekend usually result in a "Purple Monday" as well.

I was genuinely curious as to whether or not Steelers fans had a similar tradition. (Do any other NFL team's fans do similar things?) Ray got to ask Troy the question before I did. Troy's response was diplomatic yet honest, I think.

Our reactions to Ray's revelation at the end:

Shawn: "I don't think Ray Lewis should be trying to turn people purple!"
Me: "Ray is trying to eradicate racism, Shawn!"
Shawn: *skeptical look*
Me: "If everyone is PURPLE, Shawn, then everyone's the same color, which means no one can discriminate against someone for their skin color...ok, this is just silly."

How to Fix an Offense on the Cheap

It's really nice of Troy to be so concerned about the Ravens' offensive line issues leading up to the start of the season. Ray, as always, is staying positive that the Ravens will get their problems solved in time for the big day. Honestly, I'm a little more worried about our defense! Losing T-Sizzle to the PUP list and having a secondary that makes me cringe could make the Ravens' D look less dominant than it has in a decade. And do NOT get me started on our special teams unit!!

The Steelers, meanwhile, are dealing with issues of their own. Contract problems, sloppy pre-season playing, and the injury Troy is referencing are also adding a little drama to Pittsburgh's talk radio shows.

T.O. is once again out of a job. As an empathetic person, I feel badly for him. After all, he's got a LOT of baby mamas to support and very little income. Maybe he can get a good job on a reality show or something. You don't need talent to get one of those these days.

Best Security Team Ever

Shawn told me that the whole IT department has cameras and sensors set up in their offices and areas to prevent theft, hence why he doesn't worry when he leaves his door open. ...I didn't have the heart to tell Ray and Troy.

The TRUE Meaning of "NFL"

Last night was the first night of pre-season football for the Ravens and the Steelers. Ray tells Troy how he spent the night after the first quarter.

Advice for the Rookies

Coach Harbaugh told Ray that he's a little tough on the rookies, so Ray went to Troy for advice on how to be nicer. But is Ray back to his old habits?!

Trouble in the Mile High City

Ray and Troy are worried about all the Broncos players being arrested lately. How to stop the crime spree?

Conversation:

Troy: Mr. Lewis, what is going on with the Broncos' LBs? Fake pee and aggravated assault charges?
Ray: MAN, TROY! I'VE BEEN WONDERING THE SAME THING! As you know, I used to run with a "bad crowd" when I was younger. I think the young guys today lack positive role models to keep them on the Right Path.
End Scene