How Very Unlike You, Troy

Crudely-Drawn Steelers Coach Mike Tomlin: "Polamalu! What the hell was that ridiculously early jump last night? [Sunday's late game] It's unlike you! Do you need a concussion test?!"
Crudely-Drawn Troy Polamalu: "Coach, please remember that this is a game. We are lucky to be part of it and should enjoy doing it. I enjoy jumping over the o-line. What do you enjoy?"
C-DSCMT: "Not getting penalties."
C-DTP: "Oh...


Non-supportive Husband Steve: "Why don't you have pictures of them instead of drawings?"
Me: "Because I didn't have the time to Google image search appropriate pictures of the two of them, print them out, cut them to an appropriate size, and then put them on the white board."
Supportive Husband Steve: "The drawings look nice."

Sweet Pea Ain't So Sweet

Big Ben: "What's that, Ray?"**
Ray Lewis: "Wow, Ben, in my day Sweet Pea wouda got what she deserved! Tips!"
Big Ben: "C'mon, Ray! That's not even right."
Ray Lewis: "What? I mean from the Ravens' upcoming opponents!"
Big Ben: "Badump Bump!"

**I have no idea what order Shawn meant for this dialogue to go, so I just kinda winged it.

By now, I'm sure you've all heard the story of Ravens player (and Dancing with the Stars sensation) Jacoby Jones getting hit in the head with a champagne bottle by a stripper named Sweet Pea on a party bus while celebrating teammate Bryant McKinney's birthday. (This first link is my FAVORITE about the news, mainly because the headline is SO misleading about the content to come.) Jacoby has "apologized" about the incident without really apologizing. Torrey Smith pointed out that this is a non-story (while building a house for Habitat for Humanity! Why isn't THAT being talked about?!), and the media should just move on. And Ray Lewis, never one to shy from offering an opinion that brings the story back around to him, blames a lack of leadership after his retire and Ed Reed's move to the Texans for Jacoby's Wild Night.

For those interested, this is what Baltimore's strippers look like:

(source)

Keep it classy, Bmore & Ravens.

We Give Thanks

Putting aside the politics of Thanksgiving - the Pilgrims' treatment of the Native Americans, the failures of the first settlements, and the crass consumerism and violence of Black Friday - it's a pretty nice holiday. Everyone watches football, eats too much food, and gets into awkward family conversations that inevitably to drinking too much alcohol and occasionally, weeping. (At least, that's what I'm led to believe happens thanks to television and film.) Today the boys (with special guest Big Ben) tell each other what they're most thankful for.

For those who live under a rock/don't follow the Ravens and may not have heard, Ravens safety Ed Reed was initially suspended by the league for an illegal hit during the Ravens-Steelers game on 11/18. (I watched the game, and honestly, while it was a HARD hit, I don't know that it was necessarily a dirty one.) After an appeal, Ed had the suspension reversed and now only needs to pay a $50,000 fine. Being Ed Reed though, he's complaining about having to pay a fine at all. (Seriously, bro, keep your mouth shut. We need you to play the Chargers!) My opinions on the league's new no-tolerance rules against defensive players for certain kids of hits may be expanded upon at a later date and time, so I'll say no more than I think Ed's lucky that the fine is all he got.

Happy Thanksgiving to one and all! Enjoy watching the Lions, Cowboys, and Jets fail miserably on Thanksgiving as they (the first two teams anyway) do every year.

Because A Player's Health Isn't as Important as A Rivalry

Ben Rosen (@Rosen) tweeted at 9:21 AM on Sun, Nov 18, 2012:

Ryan Clark has had 2 concussions in 3 games. He's playing tonight with a "special helmet"...which I assume he'll be wearing a lot in his 50s

Happy Birthday, Mr. Lewis!

Ray tells Troy how he usually celebrates his birthday.

*CAMEO: Me*