The First Most Important Purple Friday of the Regular Season

Transcript:

Troy: "Good luck this weekend Mr. Lewis. Big Ben or not, your team is going to have their hands full with the #1 pass defense in the league."

Ray: "TROY, THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT! BUT WE'VE GOT A SECRET WEAPON: WE'RE GONNA LET ACTUAL DOGS OUT TO CHEW UP YOUR DEFENDERS!"

James: "James eat rice!"

Obviously, James's comment is in reference to star running back Ray Rice, who I"m hoping is able to slide past the Steelers defenders and get us some major points on the board.

Ray's reference is to his pre-game chant, which hypes up both the players and fans alike.

I plan on being annihilated on Sunday night and possibly hung over on Monday morning. I don't do well with Ravens-Steelers games, as the pressure is always on, and the game always a close one. We're lucky that Ben is out, along with other key Steelers players, but we're also lacking a lot of things, and this season has been weird and rough. Honestly? As usual, it's a toss-up.

Sunday Night Football

As anyone who watched the entire Ravens vs. Patriots game knows, the ending was a nail-biter, made even more frustrating by stupid penalties, fake penalties, and an excellent icing-the-kicker call by Bill Bellicheck. The fans at my local bar were on the edges of their seats; some because of anxiety, and several because of complete drunkenness. (I was in both categories.)

As the minutes ticked by, and Joe Flacco and his offensive teammates stormed down the field towards the end zone, I couldn't contain my nervousness! Instead of biting my nails or drinking more (my usual reactions to anxiety), I did this:

That, friends, is your common drink stirrer, chewed to bits by my $10,000 teeth. (9 years of orthodontics.)

When JTuck (as I'm now referring to Justin Tucker, the Ravens' rookie kicker) kicked his second field goal attempt, half of the bar (myself included) screamed, "NOOOOO!!!" thinking he had missed it. The other half screamed, "YESSSSS!!!!" seeing the refs call it fair. I watched the replay several times, and I still don't think it went through, but then again, I'm not really qualified to make that decision. (Neither are the replacement refs! BOOM!) A win is a win, though, and I'm glad that the Ravens were able to squeak out a W for their teammate Torrey Smith, who lost his little brother early Sunday morning in a motorcycle accident. If you want a good cry, go to the Ravens website and watch the video of his "speech" to the team.

Hopefully, despite the awful officiating we saw on Monday Night Football, the Ravens - Browns game won't be as nail-bitingly close. I don't know that my poor heart can take it!

No Harm Shall Come to Tom Brady

Transcript:

Troy: "Mr. Lewis, Tom Brady and the Patriots are in town for you on Sunday night. I bet they are upset over their loss last week, and they don't lose back to back games. Any plans to change that?"


Ray: "STATISTICALLY SPEAKING, TROY, YOU'RE RIGHT! WE ALREADY HAVE HOME FIELD ADVANTAGE, THOUGH, AND I'M GONNA KIDNAP ALL THE TIGHT ENDS TO GUARANTEE A RAVENS WIN!"

Troy: "Why not just kidnap Tom Brady?"

Ray: "WHOA, TROY! THAT'S A FEDERAL CRIME! I'D GET THE CHAIR FOR THAT!"

*Shawn wanted me to add a note stating that he doesn't think that Troy would suggest that Ray kidnap anyone, particularly a fellow football player. However, I was running out of room and needed Troy to bring up Brady so I could give Ray's punchline.

For those who may not know much about football, Tom Brady is regarded as something of a god in the NFL. He has his own rule to make sure he doesn't get hurt. (I don't know how often it gets called for other quarterbacks, however.) Of course, to fans, he's considered a pansy. I mean, the man MODELS UGGS, people. Seriously. (Warning: the pansy link takes you to a hilarious Yahoo! answers page. Naughty language and a complete slaughtering of the English language are present.)

This will be a great revenge match for the Ravens, as the Patriots were the reason we didn't get to go to the Super Bowl last year. Between Lee Evans's dropped pass and Billy Cundiff's missed field goal (I'm honestly surprised that he didn't receive death threats), the game was an absolute heart-breaker. The Ravens will also be "upset," as Troy so mildly put it.

Also!! My mom's going to be in town for the game! I'll probably post a picture of us in our "uniforms" on Sunday.

Troy Respects Women

I think this is the angriest we've ever seen Troy. It's nice that he believes in respecting women (they ARE our mothers, daughters, lovers, and bearers of our children, after all), but I have to agree with Ray-Ray on this one. Faith Hill in her little black dress looked VERY good on Sunday night.

However, I AM frustrated by all of the crass product placement of Verizon Wireless and its NFL Mobile app in the ad, as well as having the "hosts" (?) of NBC's program The Voice making a cameo. But, as they say, that's show business.

Keepin' It Classy

A while ago, my mom bought me three colors of nail polish: purple, gold, and a black polish that splits into a chipped-looking design. In honor of the opening of football season, I painted my nails with these colors. Always classy, I've painted my middle fingers with the Steelers colors. ;)

Troy introduced himself on Sunday Night Football just now. It always cracks me up how high-pitched and soft his voice is. Hence why he always speaks in small letters on the white board.