Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Your Team is Bad, and You Should Feel Bad

The Cleveland Browns are the biggest joke in the NFL. I'm pretty sure that even when the Lions had their "perfect season" where they didn't win a single game, they wrote it off as a fluke and told themselves, "Hey, man, at least we're not the Browns."

Browns fans are GREAT at holding a grudge for decades. Like Baltimore Colts fans, Cleveland fans are STILL angry that their team abandoned them, being sold to Baltimore under a new name and eventually winning a Super Bowl a few years later. When the Browns reformed, they just...they weren't the same anymore. (For a more detailed history of the Browns and why they're awful, go to Google.) Their fans - the "dawg pound" - started wearing bags over their heads at games. Games were blacked out IN THEIR OWN CITY. (When the Ravens-Texas game was taken off CBS's national coverage and switched to another game, I drunkenly moaned, "Now I know how Browns fans feel!")

It's bad enough that the city of Cleveland doesn't really have anything going for it, as illustrated by this silly (and catchy) "travel ad":

And this follow-up to the above "Cleveland travel ad":

So yeah. As you can see, no one likes Cleveland. And the fans have really started to give up hope. A Buzzfeed contributor wrote this article, showing how pathetic the most recent Browns game was, using .gifs to illustrate his pain. (The whiffed extra point is my favorite.)

In conclusion, I'm sorry to any Browns fans out there that read this blog. I'm sorry to residents (and former residents) of Cleveland who may be offended. Y'all are an easy target, and here I am, mercilessly kicking you when you're down. But honestly, after the way the Ravens played against the Texans, I need a Charlie Brown to make me feel better about my miserable team.

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