Monday, December 31, 2012

The Madness of a Mother-Daughter Duo

As my Christmas present, my mom and dad bought two tickets to see the Ravens take on the Giants at M&T Bank Stadium. Steve was not invited. It was a "girls day" that Mom and I cherished.

We started the day by pregaming at Mother's Purple Patio in Federal Hill, an historic neighborhood a couple of blocks away from the stadium. The place was jam-packed with drunks and Ravens fans of all ages (21+ anyway), and the DJ was playing Baltimore remixes of classic tunes like "Baba O'Reilly" and Mariah Carey's "All I Want for Christmas is You" (the definitive Christmas song, in my opinion). We were able to meet up with Steve, who'd spent the night at a mutual friend's house, and Bill, a guy from our Ravens group who coincidentally was on the same flight back to Baltimore as I was. Fun times.

(L to R) Steve, me, Bill

My adorable mother, cheesin' in front of Ray-Ray's lucky number

I'm told that there's something of a family resemblance between us. Can you see it? ;)

Mom and I went to our AWESOME seats and immediately started hootin' and hollerin'. This was something of a challenge for me, as there was a little kid (8ish) in front of me, but I think I only cursed twice, and only one of those was an F-bomb. REALLY great for a person with a dirty mouth.

In the throes of Purple Passion

The game ended with a spectacular Ravens victory, a Steelers loss, and a Cowboys victory, thus allowing the home team to secure its second AFC North championship title in a row. As you can imagine, there was a great deal of pandemonium.

Not drunk, just elated and VERY, VERY COLD

I had an awesome time with my mom and enjoyed the tingling anticipation of being able to make fun of Shawn when we had both returned from our respective holiday breaks. Ray is already talking smack on Shawn's door, ready for his and Troy's response on Wednesday.

Happy SAFE New Year everyone!!!

Sunday, December 30, 2012


The blog has been quiet this last week only because I've been back in Baltimore for Christmas and haven't had time to update. My mom and I went to the AWESOME Ravens-Giants game and lost our minds with glee. When I'm back in Denver, I'll update with pictures of our joy and at least one picture of Shawn looking sad. After all, the Steelers were eliminated from the playoffs last week (thanks to the Cowboys, of all teams), so Ben gets to spend the post-season cuddling his wife and son. Happy New Year, Ben. :)

Sunday, December 23, 2012


These are the seats where my mom & I are sitting for the game. It's cold. It's loud. AND IT'S AWESOME!

The Christmas Spirit

Poor Ray. It's bad enough that he can't play because of his triceps injury. Now Troy is making fun of him! Hopefully the Ravens win today and put Troy in his place! ;)

Worst Way to Get into the Playoffs EVER

While the Ravens need to win the game against the Giants today in order to clinch the division, they're already in the playoffs thanks to Tony Romo miraculously coming through in a clutch situation and beating Pittsburgh in overtime. I was lucky enough not to watch any more than the first half of the abominable game against the Broncos, but it was obviously fury-making for the fans

Friday, December 14, 2012

Baltimore: Not Just for Murderers and Crackheads Anymore!


Troy: "Mr. Lewis. I'm writing a children's book about a bobble-head doll that goes to Baltimore. Can you suggest how the story may end?"

Ray: "THANKS FOR INVITING ME TO PARTICIPATE IN YOUR CREATIVE PROCESS, TROY! I'M VERY FLATTERED! AS FOR YOUR ENDING, IT DEPENDS ON WHAT THE DOLL LIKES TO DO! He could see a Broadway show at the historic Hippodrome Theatre, be brought on stage, and become a famous actor. He could dine at one of our hundreds of seafood restaurants and become a crabber. The doll could visit Little Italy and join a bocce league. He could immerse himself in the city's DIY art scene and have his face melted off. There's so much more to Baltimore than murder and crack!"

Troy: "I'm talking about your game against Mr. Manning."


I get to go home to Baltimore next Friday (yes, the day the world will supposedly end), and I'm looking forward to seeing everyone and going back to my old haunts. Denver's food "scene" pales in comparison to that in Baltimore, and while I'm super-bummed I won't be able to see my crazy friends put on a rock opera while I'm in town, it's nice to know that I'm from a city where such an opportunity for awesomeness even exists.

People at work have told me that I'm their "frenemy" this weekend, and Shawn has already sighed and said that he's rooting for the Broncos by default. Once again, I'll only get to watch part of the game and then listen to the second half while getting ready for my (final) performance. I hope that RvT is a positive one for the Ravens when I come into work on Monday.


We all know that Shawn's full of it, but now he has two fancy letters after his name that confirm it: Shawn ____, BS. Shawn has finished his last class and now has a Bachelor of Science degree in Information Technology. Two of his coworkers, Linda and Gabe, decorated his office area this morning in celebration.

The hallway leading to Shawn's office (Note RvT on the door)

Our special snowflake in his decorated office

Shawn told me that the balloons are attached to his desk chair, so every time he glides across his office to work on a different computer, the balloons hit him in the back of the head. How fitting. ;)

Monday, December 10, 2012

Sizzle in Trouble

As if coming back from an Achilles tear and a bicep tear weren't drama enough, Terrell Suggs recently had to fork over NINE person guns to police after his (ex?) fiancee filed a peace order against him.

Best comment by a fan:

jamaltimore says: Dec 7, 2012 6:27 PM
He doesn’t need guns he normally just pours bleach on her.

That made both Shawn and me spit water all over ourselves laughing.

Ding Dong Cam Cameron's Gone

John Harbaugh fired Offensive Coordinator Cam Cameron today, and lo, there was much rejoicing. Sunday's play calling against the Redskins was infuriating for fans, and apparently, for players and coaches on the sidelines. It's like something doesn't fire in Cam's brain on third downs, so we end up making stupid plays. We don't run Ray Rice when it's obvious the opponent's D can't control him, & his INSISTENCE on having Michael Oher play LT instead of the blind side - LIKE HE DID IN THE DAMN BOOK AND MOVIE ABOUT HIS LIFE - has been frustrating.

Since Cam joined the Ravens, we always gone almost all the way to "The Big Game"....almost. But now that Baltimore is without its favorite whipping boy, what will our excuse be if Jim Caldwell can't step us and make the offense much, much better? Firing the OC this late in the season is a risky move, but something had to be done. If only it had happened much sooner.

Best comment by a fan on an online forum:

“I’ll drive him to the airport.”
“Pull over 20 yards short of the drop off point and call a running play.”

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Bizarro Nikki

Lou is my dykey mannequin that keeps my play wig looking fresh. She's showing her purple pride today while I prepare for pre-show.

Rookie of the Year

So.....we're gonna lose today. We have NO defense. RG3 is a beast. It's FREEZING in the bar. (Thank God for pandahat!) My only hope is that the Steelers choke so I'm not the ONLY miserable one tomorrow.


UPDATE 12/10/12: I hate being right. :(

Friday, December 7, 2012

Faster Than A Locomotive!

Everybody loves Robert Griffin, III. He's cute, he likes Subway sandwiches, he's got great hair, and he's a threat (for a rookie, mind you) both throwing and running. He's the kind of quarterback Redskins fans have been waiting DECADES for.

There's supposedly a rivalry between Baltimore and Washington because of our proximity to one another. Anytime our baseball or football teams play each other, all you hear about is the great "Battle of the Beltway." Really though, I don't think most Ravens fans consider the Skins true competition. Hell, the Orioles and Nationals were only rivals to see who in the area could have the worse record until last year when both teams became inexplicably good. But everyone loves a rivalry, one-sided or not, so we'll let Skins fans have this one.

Ravens fans are naturally freaked out this game. We want to lock up the AFC North, and we DEFINITELY don't want to lose to a rookie. Despite his optimism in our last entry, Ray isn't going to be back on the field for this game, and Sizzle is out as well, possibly for the rest of the season, depending upon whether or not he needs surgery. Our defense is down to a few banged-up vets and third-stringers getting their big breaks.

We'll have to see how THE BATTLE OF THE BELTWAY plays out on Sunday


Oh, James. I like sandwiches too. <3

Baltimore sports blogs, news, and radio shows are blowing up with giddiness that our Fearless Leader and Official Mascot Ray Lewis has returned to the field for practice. Not gonna lie, I'm excited as well. Of course, I'm terrified that he's risking hurting himself more, because (and don't tell him I said this) at his age, it takes longer to heal. There's also considerable (and legitimate) concern that Sizzle is coming back too soon from his injury as well. These guys...I know we need to lock up the division, but dudes...we're playing the Broncos Peyton Manning and the Giants in a couple of weeks! Yes, everyone loves RG3; he's the break-out Rookie of the Year. But...I still can't get excited about the Redskins...which inevitably means this will be a terrible, awful game against them. I'm only doing pre-show and a scene in Act II on Sunday's matinee, so I'll be in the green room listening to the game from my Ravens app. Hopefully I remember not to scream so loudly the audience can hear me. :p


I hadn't seen this video yet, but while reading an article on the Ravens' official website, I saw it, and immediately fell in love.

"You're my family."

The latest Madden 2013 Rivalry between dreamboat actor Paul Rudd and not-very-good-at-playing-Madden Ray Lewis continues into the Christmas season. The men have taken their rivalry VERY SERIOUSLY, and don't even know where they are or what time it is. 

"You just fa la la la la la la la LOST!"

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Nikki Post: Whatever Happened to...

It started when my Ravens friend Caroline sent me this gif of Mark Sanchez running into his own player's ass, fumbling the ball, and not even trying to stop the Patriots player who ran off with it:

I shared it with other Ravens friends, and we all had a good laugh at "Hotdog" Sanchez's inability to do ANYTHING right. My friend replied with standard "Man, he sucks" comments, and one of those comments got me thinking...

"How long will it be until Hotdog Sanchez is finally booted from the NFL into obscurity?"

We find ourselves five years into the future in a sleepy southwest border town in the United States. Former Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez is now teaching PE at the only all-girl Catholic school in the area. He's changed his look a little - shorter hair, a scruffy beard, let himself get a little bit of a potbelly - and pretends that he doesn't speak English very well, so he blends in and has an excuse for not talking to outsiders very often. Mark has a little adobe house in a lower middle-class neighborhood where he lives alone except for his pitbull mix "Rex," an unspayed female who spawns litter after litter of adorable puppies that Animal Control volunteers spay/neuter and return to him so he can give them to various people throughout the small town. Almost everyone in that little village has a pitbull puppy that came from Rex.

One day, a football scout's car died in this town. The scout had just been passing through but decided to walk around town while the mechanic waited for the car part. He stopped by the girls school, thinking he'd see if there were any good soccer players he could tell his wife (a college scout for Holyoke) about, when he saw Sanchez's 4th-period gym class practicing field hockey outside. The scout - a man named Gary who loves his job - swore to himself that there was something familiar about this mild-mannered, average-looking teacher, so he sat on the bleachers to give his brain time to figure it out. Most days there's usually a group of men, mainly drunks and unemployed field hands, lazing away their afternoons staring at under-aged girls while passing around a bottle of tequila someone made in his garage. On this day, Gary asked around casually about the teacher, and the men revealed that Sanchez - SeƱor Marco, as everyone calls him - came from New York ("la gran ciudad" they called it) several years ago with just his dog and a green duffel bag. He seemed haunted by something, failure most likely, but then again, who in this town WASN'T haunted by a failure of some kind? He was nice, although clumsy, and his students loved him. Gary thanked them for their conversation and made his way back to the garage once the girls' game was finished.

It wasn't until he was zipping down the highway at 85mph, blasting Journey that Gary realized who the youngish man coaching that field hockey team was. The realization that someone so famous could fall so far so quickly almost made him swerve off the road with shock. He meant to call someone, a colleague perhaps, and tell them the news. He meant to turn around and go back to that nameless, sleepy town, track down Mark Sanchez, and ask him how he had gotten to this place after his spectacular fall from grace in the NFL. Gary meant to do a lot of things...but then his boss called and said there was a 20-year-old kid in Taos, New Mexico who could run faster than Larry Fitzgerald and catch better than Jerry Rice, so Gary pushed Sanchez's new life off to the side of his mind, intending to return to it later. He never does, of course. Ever since he left the NFL, Mark Sanchez has been easily put out of mind, and frankly, he prefers it that way.


The last Ravens - Steelers game of the regular season was a cluster-eff on both sides of the ball and the sidelines. Whether I was drinking heavily because of John Harbaugh's utter inability to manage the clock properly in the second half, because of Joe Flacco's inability to THROW THE BALL AWAY TO THE SIDELINE INSTEAD OF TO A STEELERS RECEIVER when pressure is on, or because Paul Kruger got a damn roughing-the-passer penalty just in time to let the Steelers win by a field goal in regulation, I was drinking heavily. Also, Audra was in town. Also, my body reminded me yesterday that I am 29 now and therefore can no longer drink like I'm 21.

This is all not to say that the Steelers looked like an elite team. For example, this happened:

Via the HuffPo

And this happened:

But at the end of the day, third-string QB Charlie Batch got to cry with joy (and shock, probably) into Big Ben's pillowy bosom because HE had won the game against the Ravens IN THEIR HOUSE against all the odds put up against him.

Needless to say, I don't remember much about Sunday evening. :p

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Best Frenemies

My best friend/Maid of Honor is a Steelers fan. (Don't blame her. She grew up in New Jersey.) She's watching the game with us at Choppers today and was spectacularly booed. I mean, a boo that echoes in the soul.
This picture represents the love we have for her anyway. <3