I Don't Think That's What Troy Meant, Mr. Lewis...

Transcript:

Troy: "Mr. Lewis and Mrs. uhm..RaNikki? What do you think the Ravens are going to do in the first round?"
Ray: "DRAFT?! I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S ON TAP! LOL!"
RaNikki: "I think we're going to draft a sassy Italian girl from Baltimore!"

It appears that Ray has no more fucks to give about anything football related. It also appears that I'm going to be a lineback for the Ravens (if they're smart!).

NOTE: I'm not yet a "Mrs." I'm getting married in August. <3

Neither of Them is Necessarily Wrong

I'm fairly certain that I've hated on the Orioles, Baltimore's often disappointing baseball team, on this blog before. They're awful, historically speaking, and sometimes to a painfully laughable level. They proved me mostly wrong last year by getting their shit together and making the playoffs, and even though they didn't go that deep into the post-season, this glimmer of hope and promise gave the good fans in Baltimore something to cheer about. The team brought back the "Orioles Magic" that so many people had been waiting for thirty years to visit the city once again. They're having an up-and-down start to the season this year. (Check out their losing streak numbers, then read about how Chris Davis is a friggin' BEAST in a variety of ways.) The fans are remaining loyal though, coming to the game in (relative) droves and still talking about how "this year is OUR year." However, the Orioles management has gotten into hot water for completely dicking up something even MORE important to the Baltimore sports fans:

They refuse to reschedule a game that coincides with what would be opening day for the Ravens. Seriously. The REIGNING SUPER BOWL CHAMPIONS are going to start their year ON THE ROAD in Denver. (Which means that when I get (probably insanely expensive) tickets to this game, I might actually be assaulted.) I'm not sure if this problem has arisen in other cities, so I can't say if it's that big a deal elsewhere, but Camden Yards and M&T Bank Stadium are in the same spot, essentially. They practically share a parking lot. So rescheduling was crucial for TWO reasons: 1) to save people the wrenching task of choosing between their two beloved teams as to which they'll watch; and 2) to save people from the clusterfuck that would be the traffic/parking/bar hopping situation.

The city is split into two camps: those who think that the Orioles are being dicks, and those who think that the Ravens are being bullies to the MLB. While the latter camp's arguments are sound, I'm firmly in the first "This is crap" camp because I obviously like football MUCH better than I do baseball.

I'm not the only one who is disappointed in the Orioles. Jets' head coach, former Ravens defensive coordinator, well-known sandwich-lover, and foot fetishist Rex Ryan had this to say about the controversy:

“I understand the Orioles are playing a game at home. Well, who really cares? You’ve got 81 of them things at home and maybe you could’ve done the right thing and given one up and played 82 on the road and 80 at home. I really don’t think people are going to care about that game. You have a chance to have the defending world champs open the season at home where they rightfully should. I think that’s unfortunate.” (Source)

In a hilarious burn, Orioles' head coach Buck Showalter had this to say:

“I think I’d be a little more concerned about Nov. 24 when the Jets come here and try to figure out a way to beat the Ravens, wouldn’t you?”

NIKKI vs. Troy?!?!

I can't wait until Shawn comes in tomorrow morning and sees this.

 

Shawn's reaction (the next day): "No. You're not allowed to play football." 

The GREATEST PHOTOSHOP OF ALL TIME

My boss Lyndsey has been teaching herself Photoshop and trying to boost her skills by practicing on her coworkers. I posted to Facebook a picture of me that she'd edited and asked friends what they thought of it so she could get some constructive criticism. Overall, the reviews were positive, although we agreed that my face had too many shadows removed, leaving it looking a little fake. My friend Shannon, with whom I worked at Loyola, suggested that I ask Lyndsey to Photoshop my head onto Ray Lewis' body. I passed the suggestion along to Lyndsey, and in two minutes, this is the masterpiece that she created:

This picture made me laugh so loudly and so hard at work that I cried at my desk. It's the greatest thing I've ever seen, and it's now my Facebook profile picture.

This Year is the Bills' Year...Or is it?!

I have a friend on Twitter (we bonded over our mutual love of tacos) who is a diehard (as much as possible) Bills fan. I sent him an article about how the much-maligned Kevin Kolb has recently joined my favorite underdog team, and these tweets were his reactions:

Shawn, on the other hand, isn't as my friend about Buffalo's chances of making it to the big game:

"Maybe it is the Bills year. Their year for what, I don’t know but it could indeed be their year. Maybe it’s their year to have more staff infections than the Cleveland Browns? Maybe it’s their year to get the #1 overall draft pick. Maybe it’s their year to throw more interceptions than yards? Who knows!"

Only time will tell if the Bills will return to the Big Show for the first time since I was a tiny child with no knowledge whatsoever of football, only the innate knowledge that the Cowboys were a terrible organization of terrible people and should be rooted against at all costs.

EDIT: One more opinion from Shawn: "My only other thought about this being the Bills' year is that the Super Bowl is NEXT year..." Oh, Shawn, so literal.

"In Oz We Trust" is Becoming a REALLY Stupid Motto This Year

It figures. The first day off Shawn's taken in weeks, and the Ravens drop another huge bomb during free agency. (Well, they haven't actually officially made the announcement yet. Probably trying to find a PR-friendly way to do it.) Now who am I going to rant and rave to?!

The news of which I speak is that special teams player/inside linebacker/gay marriage advocate Brendon Ayanbadejo has been cut by the Ravens. (NOTE: If you are an intelligent, empathetic person, do NOT read the comments. I made that mistake, got to the two ignorant ones about how he's gay for supporting marriage equality, and had to leave my desk because my blood pressure spiked.)

He announced it this morning on his Twitter feed:

Now I learned this news from my friend Zack (more on that later), but it turns out Steve knew as well! He didn't tell me because "I knew you’d flip out." My friend Kelsey ALSO knew, but she didn't tell me because she figured that "if [she] knew then [ I ] probably knew." (Usually a valid assumption to make.) I understand their caution because I'm sitting here writing a blog entry about it, all upset and cranky.

Zack pointed out the confusion that many Ravens fans will feel about this bizarre and shocking move:

"We're already thin at inside linebacker, and the man is a beast on special teams. They weren't paying him a lot, so why do it? Zero sense move. Somehow I knew you would not be pleased [with the news]." (Everyone knows me really well apparently.)

Now, I don't pretend to understand the math involved during free agency with regards to salary caps. I can't give specific stats about why a player should or should not leave. But the terminations of Brendon's and Boldin's contracts just don't make any sense to me, nor do they make sense to a lot of fans in Ravens Nation.

I worry that next year isn't going to be as successful a year as 2012 was...

The Long Goodbye

Shawn is very pleased that he has a four-day weekend. I don't know how he'll be spending his free time, but I'm going to guess that short of having brain surgery or spending a long time in an MRI machine, it's going to be better than dealing with IT problems (mostly "user error" of course) all day. We wish him a happy vacation.

Side note: Ray is selling his mansion in Florida. It has something like seven bathrooms and nine bedrooms. My question is...why wouldn't you have the same number of bedrooms as bathrooms?! It makes no sense.